..bring it back
Let me set the scene; candles, wine, Elvis Costello/Butch Walker (or whatever's my favorite music is at the time), and myself. Despite what others might think, I do really like my solitude at home.
(Uhoh, there goes my cat thrashing through the living room. So much for peace and quiet.)
Met up with an old friend last night, probably my oldest, since I met her when we moved back to Hawaii when I was in the third grade. Every five years or so our paths converge.
She feels sorry for me, I think. Finds it hard to believe that I really find satisfaction in my old age with just a cat for a companion. She's known me, well, as much as she can every five years or so, through the various milestones/relationships in the past too-many years to count.
Not that her relationships have been ideal, but I knew when to quit. Or, rather, when the one quit it for me, I was no longer willing to entertain the thought of persuing another romantic relationship. Believe me, it's not because I'm pining for him; each time he periodically contacts me makes me even more certain that I have no feelings for him anymore. It's the principle of the damn thing. Something about a fri*cken vow. Which means more to some, apparently, than to others.
Several girlfriends were concerned for me, but, after nine years, most have pretty much given up. thank goodness. Hard to believe at times that it was so long ago. Untiil someone asks about it..like every five years or so.
And then it feels like it was yesterday.
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7 comments:
Now this is interesting. And so sad.
BTW, it may not be pining, but it's still a feeling, an emotion.
And it runs you.
This is 'Blog B'. No one I know reads it..I thought. Didn't realize that I had forgotten to delete this post when I deleted it from 'Blog A' after waking up from a wine-induced, feelin-sorry-for-self night.
It's definitely not pining, and yes, it runs me, but I never denied that. I made up my mind, that's all. Never gonna go through anything like that again Never gonna go through anything at all.
Wow, didn't realize I spelled "pursuing" wrong and forgot to get rid of the "i" in "fricken". See what I mean about the wine?
didn't notice a thing. in all your posts i would read the words but here i felt the music. best entry in either site so far.
wine? i thought that was tequila? without the herbs.
i'm quilty of breaking vows so i really can't talk. but there are ways and whys of breaking them. i trust it was all with integrity.
Well, thanks for reading/commenting on this, even tho it wasn't intended for public consumption. I don't think I'll be doing any more soul-bearing for a while. That one was a mistake. That's why I had said a while back that I'd never regret anything I post, well, on Blog A, anyway.
No bout adoubt it, it had to have been because of the wine. I just sip my tequila nowadays, the rare times I do partake (and it's gotta be better stuff..ooh Patron).
As for vow-breaking -- no. That's all there is to it. It's like making a bet. I'd never make one unless I was 99.9% sure I'd win. Similarly, I'd never make (or take a vow) unless I had full intention of keeping it.
Ppl are just so cavalier nowadays, I think. Don't try to dignify w/some some integrity-driven reason.
Oh, but that's just my opinion..
geez you're tough. i'm tough too but lighten up on the head banging. not mine, yours. acknowledge mistakes and move on?
i agree. people don't seem to be as committed to their word these days. integrity was not the proper word. i meant was everything handled honestly and with respect all the way around. or was there different stories, at different times, with different people? i've had stories change 5 times in as many months.
so if it's an issue of public pronouncements then how do you feel about our emails?
Tough? I don't get it (uh, hard-headed??). As far as acnowledging my mistakes, I can do that and move on, but I chose to move on with this particular "mistake" in my way.
There were a lot of unfortunate circumstances that led to that "mistake", the impetus being a death in the family, but it was all still so very unfair in the end. And he realized that. But not after it was too late.
I dunno what you mean in your last sentence up there. I just said I wouldn't be posting any more soul-bearing posts for a while (if ever). Some ppl don't have any qualms about exposing personal aspects of their lives. I'm not that interesting and don't think I should. Email, while not to be totally trusted to remain private, either, isn't quite as bad.
you answered with your last paragraph. so i get it no more "public" posting but you feel somewhat better about private emails. and i understand emails can still turn and bite you. the question becomes how much do you trust who you're typing to.
"I made up my mind, that's all. Never gonna go through anything like that again Never gonna go through anything at all." "As for..., It's like making a bet. I'd never make one unless I was 99.9% sure I'd win...." i'm fairly sure of what you mean and if i committed to anything like this i think my friends would say i'm harsh. but then i've only started to understand commitment in the last 15 years.
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